I remember so much of the joys of my twenties, only to get older worn down and saddened by the realization of major failures. “This to shall pass.”
As things always do in life, they pass; some times as humans we never forget though. Its been said that time and money heal most things. But if you’re like myself and have a persistent memory of the good and the bad. It can wear you down. When I was a 20-Something I was mainly going to the bar for ‘the atmosphere’ drinking at home was pretty taboo. Especially with family or alone, for that matter. I smoked pot at the time, but my bar atmosphere was pretty crappy at the bars, however addictive nonetheless.
I was about 300 pounds, and they ladies were not all over me; not one bit. My so-called friends at the time. All seemed average I was working in collections at the time. Some nights at bars we we’re getting in fights after last call. for no real damn good reason. Most of the time it was the rowdiest guys’ girl saying this guy padded her ass when she exited the bathroom or something of the sorts. But in hindsight these fights all seemed like no damn good real reason. Even if “We always won.”
I of course was the overweight dude who’d always ask first “How do we know if she isn’t lying?” And my drunk associates would respond: “Go fuck yourself, you’re with us or you’re not!” So as to join in the celebratory slugfest outside on the street of the bar at 2AM I arrived, drunk and most of the time ready to end a life. Getting sober shows me that I wasn’t ready to end anyone’s life and that I was only taking time away from myself having a healthy life.
It’s kind of expected of everyone to have an experience with drinking at that age though. I believe whether you have a good or bad memory from it; if you continue on with it until you die. Is solely up to you, however as a person trying to stay sober each and every day, I do not recommend drinking until your dying days.
After struggling with all this basically alone I have come to remember this book. The man who wrote that book did it all by himself, all by memory. He went through horrendous hardships, suffering, and persecution. Things I’d like to think aren’t going to happen to humanity ever again in my lifetime. here is a hard truth quote for myself right now I hope if needed you find it relatable, no matter how you identify.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
A certain aspect of addiction is that we train ourselves to enjoy the suffering we bestow upon ourselves, eliminating and ushering oneself away from the pitfalls is the hard part. But like all things “This to shall pass…”
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